I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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