remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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