I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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