This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It's rum buckets o'clock
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
