Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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