We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
True but thats because hes a fetus.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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