If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I smell stomach acid.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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