Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Randomize
