but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
