he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
