He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Girls should come with a carfax report
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
