it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
