no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
