i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
