I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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