Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
