$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Come on in and take your pants off
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