It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
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He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
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It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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