I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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