This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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