Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
