she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
