A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
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God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
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those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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