You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
