But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
