My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize