Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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