I have demons in me.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
the day after is always just damage control
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
