I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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