We need to start having sex underwater more often.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
