I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
