there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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