You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
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The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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