My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
