its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
