The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
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I need you to use more vowels.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
