Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
