end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize