I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
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