He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
