Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
