just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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