Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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