3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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