I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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