If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize