You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
