you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
