Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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