Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I fill condoms, not promises.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You did what with his pubic hair?
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