I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
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