Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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