Can Purell be used as lube?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I met the friendliest cop last night
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
