Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
i believe in u and ur pee
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
