worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
My pussy is not your playground.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
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Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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