If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
