My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
