put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
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Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
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Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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