If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
