btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
