worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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