I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
