WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
