Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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