Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
