Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
