If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I wish I only lived at night.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
