I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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