Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
