Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
