Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
