Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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