When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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