I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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