I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
