So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
