It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
