all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
