dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
